10 Things Depression Is Not

There are a lot of articles online and offline that tell us what depression is but a paucity of articles that address the misconceptions around depression and tell us what depression is not. So in this article, I’ll be debunking ten myths about depression.

1. Depression is not a weakness or a character flaw

According to Dr. Sandra Hamilton, an adjunct assistant professor at the Department of Psychology at the University of Oregon and a licensed psychologist, depression is not a sign of weak-mindedness, faint-heartedness, over sensitivity, and powerlessness. Depression is an illness. Contrary to popular opinion, people with depression are quite resilient. It takes a certain psychological and emotional strength to fight your mind. Making deliberate and concerted efforts to be happy when you having recurring traumatizing and depressive episodes and keep working towards getting better and being happy shows a certain resilience very few have.

2. Depression is not a Choice

Most times when you say,”I have depression”, a lot of people expect you to just get over it like there is some sort of switch that you toggle on oe off. It is never that simple. Just like we don’t choose what we look like, no one chooses to be depressed. You can achieve things like weight loss and dropping bad habits by simply zeroing your mind and being determined.

With depression, your mind is your opponent. How then do you get it to work for you when it is already hell-bent on working against you? Life is not Disney. Just like a person with diabetes can’t just lower their blood sugar simply by thinking about it, a person with depression can’t just feel better by thinking happy thoughts.

3. Depression is not Sadness

I usually tell people there is a world of difference between being depressed and having depression. In her novel, “The Bean Tress”, Barbara Kingslover writes:

“Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience it passes. Depression is like cancer.”

Johann Hari while talking about his own experienced described depression as feeling extreme sadness leaking from his pores. With depression, life loses all its colors. You are trapped in glass with the real world on the other side. Life practically flies past you and you find it hard to eat or take pleasure in eating, to get out of bed in the morning, to sleep or to even stay awake. Sometimes, in addition to the disconnection, it makes you feel this bone-crushing fatigue and life weariness that makes it hard to function.

4. Depression is not a Cry for Attention

Life is a personalized experience with each one fighting his/her own unique battles and facing peculiar demons the world may never get to know about. In this word of independent, personal struggle, the world labels people with depression attention seekers. "Everyone has problems," they say, "You are not the only one going through issues. Man up and get over it!" Depression is not a cry for attention; the victim has no control over what they are going through and are not even proud of their struggles. In addition to being rude and inconsiderate, calling a depressed person an attention seeker only serves to alienate and drive them further into their obscure shell.
You might be one of those privileged few that can handle life’s downs with grace. You should understand that not everyone has that psychological and emotional resilience.

5. Depression is not Demonic Possession

In Nigeria, religion has soaked so much into our bones I won’t be surprised if some of us actually bleed anointing oil instead of blood. While religion in itself is not bad, the way people use it to justify ignorance and explain away phenomena they cannot understand is equal parts annoying and noisome.

Yes, depression as a concept can be puzzling, both to the victim and a second party.

Yes, the psychological instability and emotional ebbs and flows peculiar to depression can throw a lot of people off.

However, this doesn’t mean the person is under a spiritual attack or is possessed. Depression is an illness just like diabetes, cancer, or typhoid. It is treatable (through a combination of psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy). At this point, it is also important to add that unless they are licensed psychologists, religious and spiritual leaders should not double as psychologists. If you do have or know someone suffering from depression, in addition to being there for them, take them to see a licensed psychologist (or get in contact with one online if you can’t find one in your area). Spiritual leaders can be part of your support system and not your psychologist.

6. Depression is Not an Attempt to Seem Woke/Deep

The 21st-century social climate is one that is in awe of concepts and things that seem to be more than they appear. Intelligence, introversion, and introspection are but a few of these concepts that interest the populace. In honor of their uniqueness, these concepts- and by extension people they qualify- have been rechristened "deep". Deep is a slang pointing to the appealing profoundness of these concepts. Woke, on the other hand, is used to refer to enlightenment, intelligence, or awareness.

While anybody can be afflicted with depression, introverts (the melancholy and phlegmatic personality types) make up a considerable bulk of depression victims. Their intensely personal nature and penchant for perfectionism, oversensitivity, and overthinking can exacerbate some symptoms of depression (N.B: this doesn’t make depression in extroverts less serious).

As stated earlier, the world is so obsessed with being (or seeming) deep. This can be seen from the numerous "pithy" updates on social media, unrelated motivational quotes beneath cute Instagram pictures, and cryptic Facebook posts. Amidst all this, it is understandable that depression is classified and written off as an attempt to be deep or philosophical.

Understandable but not acceptable.

It is true depression can be faked just like other illnesses. However, all cases of depression shouldn't be written off as fake because of that.

7. Depression is Not Selfishness

A lot of people see having depression as being selfish. "You have a lot to be grateful for. You have food on your table, clothes on your back and a family that loves you," they say. Others tell you how lucky you are to be alive and how selfish you are not to realize that.

But they don't really understand, do they?

Another camp feels you are selfish for putting them in a position where they always have to check up on you to know if you are really ok.

It is very easy to judge someone and find them wanting when you don't know what they are going through. Depression isn't selfishness. With depression, you have no control over what you go through. Depression is like trying to see color when you are color-blind. You might realize you have a lot to be grateful for but at that moment that soul-crushing sadness bleaches away any happiness or satisfaction you might feel. People with depression hardly reach out, not because they don't want to be okay but because they realize everyone has their problems. So they feel guilty for having to bother you with theirs.

8. Depression is Not an Attempt to Copy White People

2019 was an eye-opener for the Nigerian community on the seriousness of depression and the need for a nationwide intervention and critical analysis of depression among our youth. During this period, depression-induced suicide was on the rise. Naturally, it generated a lot of conversation across religious, social, and academic groups. For the first few Sundays after the incident, depression was talked about (skirted over really) at church. One conversation I will never forget happened on a religious WhatsApp group I am part of. After numerous talks, with some people sympathizing and praying for the defunct soul and others suffering from depression and others criticizing the boy’s action with incensed diatribes about "how life is a gift", one opinion stood out. This person in particular believed that episodes of depression-induced suicide among undergraduates were an attempt to copy white people. This annoyed and saddened me on so many fundamental levels.

In as much as Nigeria is a nation that thrives on (sometimes, mindless) consumerism, it is important to remember humanity is fragile regardless of the container it comes in. Resist the urge to key into such ignorant beliefs like "Africans don’t get depressed " or "Depression is a white people thing." Depression is a human thing period. It can happen to anybody and that doesn’t make that person less of what he or she already is.

9. Depression is not Make-believe

Sequel to the previous point, there is a need for people (especially Africans) to understand depression is not make-believe. I am a Nigerian but my tribe is Igbo. Now, growing up and reading various literature on Igbo cosmology and traditions, I learned a lot about my peoples way of life. One thing I learned was the concept of nso ani (forbidden acts to the earth) and alu ka alu (the greatest abominations). Suicide was one of them. Now the Igbo people believed (and still believe) that anyone that kills themselves has committed nso ani or alu ka alu. Why? Because life is seen as a gift and its first prerogative is to be lived. Yes, they understood life got hard and unfortunate sometimes but there was the hope (however, distant) of it getting better too. Committing suicide felt like discarding the possibility of leaving the tunnel. The funny thing is people did commit suicide back then (mostly by hanging themselves from a tree). This was a crime on two fronts:

•First, you ended the life that Chukwu/Chineke (the Big God) gifted you

•You died without earthing. Igbos believe anyone who dies with their body in suspension or prone (face-down) either committed Alu (an abomination) or wronged Ani, the earth goddess. To die a good, abomination-free death, you have to die with your back to the ground.

Lol. This has turned into an anthropology class. The point I am trying to make is despite the bad rap suicide got back then and how much we claim Africans and people of African descent dont get depressed or that depression is make-believe, these people still experienced depression and still committed suicide like most people today do when their depression peaks.
These guys had no social media. So you cannot say they were trying to copy people.
They were no trying to be woke neither were they trying to seek attention.
They were just living like you and I are

So what exactly was the problem?
Well, it starts with a D and rhymes with “nation”.

Recently, I was watching an episode of the CBS special, “Bob Hearts Abishola” and asides from pushing some brow-raising stereotypes (that I am not really comfortable with) and giving me many No-we-dont-do-that-or-talk-like-that moments, this episode perfectly highlights what I am trying to say. Abishola is a Nigerian woman dating Bob, a white American man. Bob is as white as they come and Abishola is the poster child for Nigerian-ness and traditional Nigerian values, so expectedly, there were some cultural clashes. In that episode, Abishola’s uncle and aunt, Tunde and Ola come to visit Bob’s Mum (Dotty) who just suffered a stroke. They come with a bowl of pepper soup (think: chicken soup but with more offals, more attitude, and spicy enough to make you order a new tongue on Amazon) and the following conversation happens:

Mrs. Dotty: What is this?
Tunde: Its hot pepper soup. It cures colds, flus, fevers, everything that troubles you (with a flourish)Everything, even your make-believe depression

Mrs. Dotty: Make-believe? I just had a stroke. I think I am allowed to feel a little gloomy

Tunde: Why? What purpose does it serve?

Mrs. Dotty: I dunno. That’s how I feel (Mrs. Dotty)
He goes on to give her some weak bro-science-esque motivational talk/story involving a tailless monkey the moral lesson of which was “don’t give up!

Even if there were many things wrong with this show, this was one of the things they got right. Tunde’s sentiments mirror what a lot of people (still) think about depression. They believe dont believe in the idiopathicity of depression or how someone can go to that place often. It gets trickier if you are a child or a young adult. It is not uncommon to hear stuff like, you are depressed? As young as you are? What have you seen in life that is making you depressed?, like an advanced age is the permit you need to feel down.

10. Depression is Still Depression Even If You Don’t Commit Suicide

This is the most baffling. A lot of people believe depression is only depression when you commit suicide. Maybe it is because somehow, we have all been conditioned to be attracted to suffering and grief. Some people actually don’t believe you have depression until you commit (or attempt to commit) suicide. The average Nigerian is playful. We joke about everything from life, relationships, work, the governmentevery dang thing. This is probably why comedy is a booming sector in our entertainment industry.

This ability to make light of everything is both a blessing and a curse. Let’s focus on the curse aspect, shall we?
So sometime in 2019, there was an upsurge in suicide cases in Nigeria (or rather for the first time in forever, mental health was on the Nigerian Spotlight). During that period, everyones depression-radar was working overtime. Everyone was making posts talking about I am here if you want to reach out and you are not alone. Expectedly, some people began to make light of it, Say something as noncommittal as I am feeling bad about XYZ and the next thing you hear is, No go kill yourself o. I don’t have condolence money. Or So you wan kill yourself? Burial rice don show! A lot of people believe for depression to be valid, it has to involve or culminate in death. Depression doesnt always end in death. It can end in recovery too.

Inasmuch as there's a rising awareness on depression among the youth and people dispelling myths about depression- particularly about how Africans don't get depressed (click here to read more), a lot of people are still in the dark about depression. This is why we need to have more result-oriented discussions about depression in our families, churches, schools, social groups etc

I have done my part (to an extent); you can do yours too.

So are there any myths about depression that you think I left out? Have you or do you know anyone suffering from depression? I would love to hear your thoughts on the issue.

Like what you read? Check out Struggling Not Broken: A Foray Into the Depressed Mind and A Story Half Told: The True African Woman