Iron Heaven and Influencer Paradise: A Memoir of Safe Spaces

It is safe to say, 2017 was a shitty year. Though I had one of my best academic results that year, 2k17 will always be the poster child for losses. I recorded a lot of losses that year, the greatest of which was losing my Dad. At a point that academic year, the only thing the fuel I was running on as I zombied through life was the mantra, “It is what Daddy would want.”

Even when food lost its appeal, and the golden-brown decadence of Dodo turned to cardboard in my mouth, I still at because (insert mantra)

Even when school seemed a little more pointless with each unexciting and theory-centric lectures, I still went to classes because (insert mantra)

Even when written words in my textbooks swirled, leaped, and hid behind the ISBNs and I kept forgetting the previous paragraphs as I read Ndukwe’s beautifully written notes, I still made an effort to read because (insert mantra)

Finally, the year staggered to an end, and I graduated- or rather, discovered I had to stay an extra year in school.

2k18- or at least the first half of it- was a fitting sequel for 2k17. The year stretched out before me grimly. January was iconic and would remain evergreen in my mind. If I was ever in doubt that there was a problem, reading 16 sizeable books before the twenty-fourth day of January dispelled it. I was bored, angry, and confused. Nsukka, the dusty and picturesque town I fell in love with five years ago, became the setting for all my nightmares. The air that had once reminded me of winterlike harmattans, shrugging hills and rubbery ayaraya ji now tasted of failure and rancor. The spots where my classmates usually hung out stared at me with empty, taunting eyes, and ever so often, I would see someone’s profile and think it was Tuzy or Dion or Loisa, only for the illusion to lift when they turned.

JImbaz, my faculty building, left me sore, visually and emotionally. This 30-feet architectural eyesore represented everything I hated at the moment.

2k18 was an empty year for me.